Adoption Journey - Timeline 1

For some of you, this will be some of your favorite posts but for others, not so much. I say that because it really depends on the season of life that you're in as to whether or not posts about Adoption is something you want to read. With that being said, I encourage you to read them because you never know what God may put on your heart ;) God used this blog to help me learn about Adoption and it forever changed mine. 

I would like to share three disclaimers. First, every Adoption story is special and unique to each individual family. Sure, some adoptions happen weeks to a couple of months after the Home Study is complete while others can take up to a year (or more). It's a blessing to not have a cookie cutter experience; however, my prayer is that all adoptions would bring glory to God and redemption to families. Second, there will be some things we won't share for the safety and privacy of our family. I mean, this is the wide world web so I would rather not share specific details or names of anyone involved in our adoption journey (i.e. Agency name, location, social worker and certainly not our expectant family information). Thank you for understanding! Third, there is a lot of detail here but it's because I want to soak in every. single. thing. about our sweet journey that will lead us to our baby. 

Timeline:

5/22/17 - Inquired with our Agency

5/23/17 - Agency sent us our Child Preference Checklist (Basically, you read through this checklist and mark what your family is looking for and comfortable with regarding a child. It was everything from age range to medical conditions and let me tell you, it was an incredibly tough checklist to fill out.)

*There was a date from 5/23 to 6/6 where I looked on their website and they had a message saying they capped their Adoptive Family list and I was SO bummed and I may or may not but definitely cried. I felt like this agency was an answer to prayer and this was a setback that I wasn't prepared for. But both, my darling husband and one of my best friends (who also happens to be my personal consultant and a huge blessing as she's adopted twice!) both told me to just call and ask them if that included us since we sent an inquiry. I was hesitant because we hadn't emailed our CPC form back but I finally did and praise the Lord, she said it DID NOT include us! Of course I felt silly for crying but adopting makes your hormones all crazy too so I blame it on that. 

6/6/17 - Emailed our CPC form back

6/27/17 - Received the Agency Application

*Went on vacation for a week. Budgeted out application fee

7/20/17 - Emailed our application to agency and mailed our application fee

7/27/17 - Agency received fee and began working on our references (which were a lot)

*There was a time here where the Florida Adoption Laws made an update to the amount of Adoption Training hours needed for Adoptive families to have so our agency was working to ensure they had what they needed to abide by the law.

8/15/17 - First Home Study visit scheduled for 9/6/17

8/23/17 - Received the family resume to fill out (WOW. This was kind of a lot. It asked about our relationship with our parents, our relationships with Christ, our finances, our marriage and what led us to adoption.)

8/24/17 - Emailed what we thought was the completed family resume

9/1/17 - Emailed the pages of the family resume we forgot the first time

9/4/17 - Home Study visit rescheduled because of Hurricane Irma

9/27/17 - Agency added a December date for the Adoption Training class and we signed up (we had a prior engagement for the one in September that we could not get out of)

10/05/17 - First Home Study visit RESCHEDULED
10/19/17 - First Home Study visit
11/15/17 - Home Study Part 2

12/09/17 - First Adoption Training class


Well, that's where we are thus far. I'll update this every few months as we move forward in our adoption. I was going to do a specific post on the home study visit but I don't feel as though it deserves its' own post so I'm going to share about it in this one.

I totally worked up this home study in my head and it was not nearly as scary as I thought. Now, every home study is different as every agency is different and this was only the first part. I have no clue what part 2 will look like. We sat down in the living room and went over our family profile that we filled out. Basically, we reviewed what we answered and elaborated on why we answered the way we did. We took a break after about an hour and a half and that is when we showed her around the house. Afterward we sat back down and talked a little more. She asked us questions about us (the first part were questions about each of us individually) such as our goals, why or what led us to adoption and how we rated our intimacy ... yes, you read that right. I knew to expect that question but it still doesn't change how awkward it is to answer. You should be fully aware as well. You're welcome. That was it friends! It really was like a friend coming over to hangout and get to know each other better. Our social worker is so incredibly sweet and you can tell she is for us. I have heard horror stories so I was a little nervous about that but she was great! To end this ridiculously long post, I give you a picture of us on our home study day (we took it right after).

We are Adopting!

We are so incredibly excited to (officially) announce that we are ADOPTING!! What a blessing this is for us. Most of you know the way God called us to adoption but if you're new around here, feel free to catch up here. God has blessed this journey already and seeing His hand at work in even the smallest of details is incredibly humbling. GOD IS SO GOOD. I'll be doing a little series on all things Adoption and that will be coming soon. Thank you for joining us on this amazing journey to parenthood!

Fall, Vacation and Waiting

I love fall and I love vacation but the "waiting game" was not invited to the party. I was really hoping to have shared two Adoption posts that I had planned to go out this week and next BUT our home study was rescheduled, again, causing me to postpone them. Counting it all joy though, because this means while we are on vacation my sister-in-love can snap some pictures of us to create our Adoption announcement. Let's be real, that was not going to get done otherwise and I know I would have been depressed super sad if we didn't. Y'all, I get to experience my first fall! We will be visiting my husband's family in W.V. and then go to N.C. This is a semi-family (we will miss you, Wesley!) vacation and I'm so excited to get away for a week. Insert all the praise hands here. 

As exciting as fall and vacation both are, waiting can put a damper on things. Adoption is a long wait as it is, but waiting for what should be the easiest part of it all down right sucks. Yes, I know, God has a plan but when you're in the waiting tunnel vision can occur. Right now this home study is what's next on the list and I want to start marking things off of my list but this two month wait for a home study doesn't allow it. Not to mention, it's not part of the plan. When things aren't part of the plan it makes it much harder to deal with. Truthfully, none of this was my plan to begin with, but it has always been GOD'S plan. 

Sometimes I wish I could see what God sees and look at the big picture of my life. Most times it's when I'm in the thick of the unknown. Honestly though, I am thankful that I can't. I just know that it would keep me from saying "yes" to growth and Kingdom work. There are times now when I think about my sinful nature, when I feel like there is no way I am making any kind of a difference working an 8 to 5, when I feel insignificant or how I'm just "forgotten" about, His word fills my heart and mind with truth. 

He reminds me that I am called out of darkness into His wonderful light. "But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His possession, so that you may proclaim the praises of the One who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light." - 1 Peter 2:9

He reminds me that I am called for a purpose. "We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28

He reminds me that I am worthy. "So don't be afraid therefore; you are worth more than many sparrows." - Matthew 10:31

He reminds me that I am not forgotten. "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." - Deuteronomy 31:6

I just want to make myself available for God. Living totally and completely for His purpose and plan in my life. So, in this waiting I will lean into Him and trust Him because He who promised is faithful.

Bloom Where You Are Planted

Raise your hand if you have a bad memory. Keep it up if you don't have enough hours in the day. Don't worry, I raised mine too ... and kept it up. My husband jokes and says that movies I've seen are always new and exciting because I never remember what happens. Yup, this is so true. It can; however, be pretty frustrating when you are trying to prove your husband wrong and you forget your evidence (insert eye roll emoji). So, how do you add hours to the day? How do you train your mind to memorize scripture? My heart has been on a fast track to knowing God more deeply. I have a desire to pray more and memorize scripture. I have been praying about this for a while and decided to share with my mentor my thoughts and feelings about it all. She then shared with me ideas and totally do-able things to get started. I am so excited to share them with you today!

I want to share some words of truth and encouragement for a minute... I get it, time is the big "reason" you can't do what you "want" to do. I know that many of you are working wives (like myself) and moms, or even more chaotic (but total goals) stay-at-home mamas and that's not all - you're in a women's group or a small group, you serve in the children's ministry and you still have dishes to wash and laundry to fold. It can be difficult for you to use the restroom by yourself, let alone get enough time to pray, read and memorize scripture! All of those things are good things, even the laundry (praise God for clothes) but they are also all excuses. Your spiritual life depends on whether or not you're gardening it. If you aren't spending time in the Son, you won't ever grow. Can you imagine seeing someone you love (sacrificial type love) not blooming and growing? I'm quite certain you would feel sad for a number of reasons. You know Who else might feel that way? How can anything grow without being taken care of? It's not possible. You need to set aside time so that you can bloom and grow. Bottom line, you make time for what you want to make time for.

So, you've been desiring growth for a while but where do you start? Well, I am so glad you asked. It begins with these three characteristics right here: self-discipline, wisdom and commitment. Set your alarm to begin your day before the crazy starts. Have self-discipline to not hit the "snooze" button. Make it easy for yourself, use wisdom. Set your Bible or journal (and any other items you like to use) out where you plan on having your quiet time. Make it readily available so that you aren't searching for it all in the morning. This can be a real deterrent. Be committed. Commit to your time with God, to prayer, and memorizing scripture. Commit to being a woman of growth. Now, if only I can incorporate these into creating healthier habits ...

Will your mornings be perfect? No. Will there be days where you just cannot will yourself to getting up? Yes. Just don't make habits out of them. Allow yourself rest and give your family what they need but not at the expense of your relationship with Christ. He loves you more than you can fathom and He wants to spend time with you. Get in the Son so that you can bloom where you've been planted.

Happy ONE Year!

On September 15, 2017, this beautiful, blog baby of mine turned a year old. I cannot believe it has been one whole year since I started writing and expressing myself in this little part of the internet! Truly, it has been such a blessing. Certainly, I have not blogged as consistently as I was hoping but I now have a year under my belt. I plan on getting more organized (blogging wise) and growing my audience. This blog was and always will be a place where I express what God is doing in my life and how His grace is offered to us all. 

Thank you to my faithful followers/readers who have supported me this past year. Those of you who have followed along and shared how it spoke to you or encouraged you - thank you! It was (and is) a huge encouragement to me and motivation to keep sharing. 

In honor of my blog baby's FIRST birthday, I've decided to create a list of five of my favorite things from this past year (one favorite thing just seemed too short): 

1. Starting the blog, of course.
I prayed and prayed and prayed about this blog, for those who would read the blog, the content of this blog and to be open to sharing what God was calling me to, for MONTHS leading up to the day I clicked "Publish" (September 15th). 

2. How it has grown me. 
I was not expecting to share as much as I did, as quickly as I did. That was totally and completely a God thing. In my times of questioning whether or not I would ever get pregnant, ever be a mom or what I would end up doing with my life if I didn't have children, I found comfort in reading other stories of women just like me. I wanted this blog to be a safe place for other women who are walking that same path. This blog has also cultivated a desire in my heart to grow and expand. What does this mean and what does this look like? Community. Creating a community of sisterhood and motherhood. I will say, it is in the works, friends! 

3. Over 20 views!
The posts "A Loss like No Other" and "Define Healing" had over 20 views and this was a huge moment in my little blogging world. Granted, it happened to be the two posts where I shared about Baby J but it was confirmation that I shared what God wanted me to. Sure, a few of those views were family but I just think about the women that it could have been and my heart goes out to them and they are in my prayers, still.

4. We are ADOPTING! 
This is so incredibly exciting for us and I cannot wait to share more about it. I will be posting an update of where we are in the process and I'll have Adoption Updates throughout the entire process.

5. Pregnancy. 
I am including the next few things together because it really is all encompassing. Finding out I was pregnant. Oh my, this was a huge surprise for me. I can't help but smile so big when I think about that day. It gives me all the feels. Telling my husband I was pregnant. This was so much fun and I am so incredibly happy that I was able to put the onesie together for him (if you have no idea what I'm talking about read this post). Hearing baby J's heartbeat. Definitely a favorite, need I say more? Belly prayers - my husband prayed over my belly every evening. Baby J was prayed for and prayed over all the days of his little life. I have found so much comfort in knowing that when he opened his eyes, the first face he saw was Jesus. 

So there we have it, a few favorites from this past year. I am taking this weekend to put a blogging schedule together for year number TWO. I am really excited and hope you are too! Also, there are pretty big things in the works (cough,cough - vodcast) but that is all I can say for now ;) ! See you back here next week. Again, THANK YOU for being a part of this journey. XOXO  

A loss like no other.

In my last post I talked about Godly sorrow and my struggle with wanting to be a mom but not getting pregnant.  Well, interestingly enough, I wrote that post while being pregnant and not knowing.  Now, sadly for us, God called our baby home just a week and two days after finding out.  I was 7 and 1/2 weeks pregnant at the time. 

It is crazy to think that I shared my struggles, worries, and cares all while having an answered prayer.  I don't regret sharing all of that because they were real feelings.  I know that there are many women who have those same battles - waiting on God while trying to figure out if they should keep patiently waiting or joyfully move on. 

I'll save you from all of the details, but I do want to share that if it weren't for my Father in Heaven, Who used my husband, family, and friends to speak words of encouragement and take time to pray for me and my healing, this could have been bad. Well...it was bad, but it could have been very bad.  I'm grateful every day, and I thank God every day for the outpouring of love during this hard time. Sometimes, I didn't always want to hear those sweet words. I didn't want to know someone was praying for me because I wanted to be mad.  I wanted to cry.  I wanted to just sit by myself and feel.  Experience all of the emotions that I was feeling.  When someone is encouraging you, sometimes, you feel like you have to be strong and can't show how broken you are, and boy, was I broken.  I still am. BUT God has healed so much of me, and He is still healing me.

There aren't many words that can describe the pain, doubt, hurt, sadness, and anger that take place within you when something like this happens.  Those of us who are "lucky" enough to experience it are the only ones who will ever truly know.  Until I was honest with myself about how I was feeling, I was just pretending to be okay. I masked how I was feeling to those around me as much as I could.  I finally realized that it was okay to be honest.  After all, I lost my baby.  The baby whose heartbeat I heard TWICE. The baby whose little arms were still only nubs when we got the second picture of him.  So of course, we need support and love (and oh do we need those prayers), but let us feel too.  Help us to be honest with ourselves so we can process everything and allow God to start His healing process.  Be there to keep us from spending too much time in our sorrow because you know the enemy likes to lie and thrives off of our weaknesses.  There is definitely a balance required to allow yourself to feel sad and upset and have questions but not stay there too long.  Come to the Father of all fathers.  He is good, no matter how you feel.  

One of my favorite verses is Mark 14:36, "Yet not what I will, but what you will", because life as a Christ follower cannot be about what I want in life or how I think life should go.  Why?  Because I cannot see the full picture of my life, only God can.  Why would I want to be in control of something that I know nothing about?  I have to trust the God who sees every day of my life.  I have to trust the One who knew my baby before he was formed in my womb because HE sees all.  'El Roi' is Hebrew for "The God Who Sees".  My husband shared this with me one day and I just loved it.  I loved the reminder that no matter what trial or joyful path I'm walking - He sees.  God saw something in the future of the pregnancy or the future of that child, something that led God to calling him home.  Questioning Him obviously ran through my mind, but what difference would it make to know His answer?  I'm not going to stop serving Him or loving Him.  I have lived life without Him, and I've lived life riding the fence. I never want to go back to either.  So, I will continue to serve Him, seek Him, and love Him.  After all, He answered so many of my prayers with this one little gift, and then He said "Not yet, my daughter.  Not yet." And I will trust Him.  

This week there have been a few verses God has used to speak to me and grow me, and I'd like to share them with you.  Whatever battle you're fighting or whatever trial you are walking through, trust Him.  Wholeheartedly.  I am trusting and hoping (with expectation) that He will grant us a rainbow baby, all in HIS timing.  Yet not what I will…

Pumpkin Everything season

Let's be honest for a moment, I am SO excited that it worked out for this post to be published just in time for the official Fall season - YAY!  Would you agree that the change from one season to another can be so beautiful? ... Well, at least that is what I hear.  I wouldn’t know because I live in Florida, you know, the Endless Summer state.  I’m sure I fell in love with the thought (okay, maybe it was the decorations) of fall, or as I like to call it 'Pumpkin Everything Season', considering I have never actually experienced a fall season.  Well, while some of you enjoyed the last few weeks of summer (and we, here in Central Florida, were practically dead from 105 degree heat), I was already dreaming of pumpkin everything season.  A few weeks ago I had pumpkins on the brain so my husband and I were talking about fall and how it would be here in a couple of weeks, and I decided I would decorate that night.  After all, there’s no harm in decorating a few days early, right? I was so excited to get home and start decorating when I thought, “I should look up the actual date for the first day of fall …… (GASP) SEPTEMBER 22?!” – insert hard, crying emoji here.   Well, friends, we made it.  Here's to pumpkin everything season!

Don’t you find that to be true in seasons of life too? You know, you get excited about a new season of your life, a new job, marriage, serving in a new ministry position at church, having kids, watching your kids grow into new phases, or retirement, only to realize it is a lot less glamorous than you thought it up to be.  I briefly touched on seasons of life in my very first (EEK!) post.  My husband and I are in a season of discipline.  It’s where God has us right now.  Paying off debt requires discipline. Creating a healthy lifestyle requires discipline. Growing in your relationship with the Lord requires discipline (like the discipline of a warrior because you know the enemy likes to declare battles when you get serious about getting serious with the Lord).  So, we started preparing, each month for a few months we cancelled one thing that was an unnecessary bill.  We were simple to begin with, we didn’t have cable, and neither of us had Facebook (shocker, I know).  I’ll be honest, I had the thought that this was going to be pretty easy, because we weren’t enveloped in social media or entertainment.  Fast forward to a week after we cancelled Netflix, and I’m 99.9 percent sure that I was going through watching withdraws.  I told my husband how nuts I was feeling, and he shared that he was feeling the same way (whew, I wasn’t alone).  I could not believe that we were feeling that way.  I think back to that week and cringe. I sounded so pathetic. I was pathetic.  The truth is, I still am.  Why don’t I have withdraws after days of not spending time in my Father’s presence?  Friends, I’ll tell you why, because I don’t seek after Him the way I sought to watch Netflix every night after work.  That is when I realized, seasons of life are not always easy or glamorous, and ours in particular is going to be hard, and sometimes ugly, BUT it’s exactly what I need. 

As I impatiently awaited Pumpkin Everything season, I patiently await on the growth in my walk with the Lord, and what He will accomplish through me during this season of discipline.  This season is just what I need (as well as accountability, but that will come in another post).  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NKJV) talks about seasons, and how there is a time for everything.  No, not everything on earth is bad or sinful; however, because we don’t focus on the season we are in, we misuse the good things that God gave us, and neglect the teachings God has for us in those seasons.  I encourage you to read Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.  Meditate on it.  Allow your Father in Heaven to speak to you about your season of life.  Maybe you just came out of a good one, and are headed into a hard one or vice versa.  Whatever it is, let Holy Spirit prepare your heart.   

Everything Has Its Time 

3 To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: 

2 A time to be born, And a time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted; 3 A time to kill, And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up; 4 A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance; 5 A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing; 6 A time to gain, And a time to lose; A time to keep, And a time to throw away; 7 A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep silence, And a time to speak; 8 A time to love, And a time to hate; A time of war, And a time of peace.

Shower Thoughts

You may or may not have giggled at the title of this post (I do every time I look at it).  Let’s be honest for a moment, shower thoughts are the clearest thoughts.  This may also happen to be the place where are all of your creative juices just shower you (pun intended).  Well, it happens to be that place for me.  So for a little while now, I would say a few months, I have been praying about what it is that I’m supposed to do in life.  To be more exact, what GOD wants me to do with the life He has given me.  For all you theologians out there, my shorter catechism answer is “I was made to glorify God and enjoy Him forever”.  Yeah, I know a thing or two about the catechism, but that is neither here nor there.  What I mean is beyond that – what was I created for? 

Growing up I would say I knew it was to be a mom, and some days I totally and completely believe that; however, three years after my (insert every mushy adjective here) husband and I decided to “leave it in God’s hands” and no children later, has me questioning that and I do not want the waiting period to go by null and void.  I want to serve my Abba Father, fully and whole heartedly.  So, last night’s shower thoughts led me to ask myself a few questions… “What am I passionate about?  What has Holy Spirit been leading me to do that I haven’t done?  (Okay, raise your hand if you’re perfect…. yeah, I don’t always listen to Holy Spirit either.)  What do I need in this season of my life?”  and I answered myself, (Oh, don’t deny it, you answer yourself in conversations with yourself too. Neither one of us are crazy.)  I’m passionate about having a passionate pursuit of Jesus Christ.  Holy Spirit has been leading me to share more of myself, more specifically what God has done in my life, where He is leading me, and the platform of suffering that has built my strength and my faith so that I may be able to share with others the crown of beauty God has given to me, instead of ashes (Isaiah 61:3).  In this season of life (another share for another time) I need brothers and sisters, I need encouragement, and motivation to stay the path The Lord has me on.  I need accountability.  Above all, I desperately need my Savior. 

Now, I ask you these same questions, what are you passionate about?  What is Holy Spirit leading you to do that you have YET to do?  What do you need in your current season of life (besides pumpkin everything because, y’all, fall is coming!)?  Seriously, take a shower, stop your fighting, and be still in God’s presence.  Psalm 46:10 in the NIV says: “He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”  and the HCSB translates it in a way that I love so much because this is SO me and I know it’s many of you: “Stop your fighting – and know that I am God, exalted among the nations, exalted on the earth.”.  Why do we try to fight the Creator of the Earth? Cannot our fleeting minds AT LEAST remember Jeremiah 29:11 (HCSB), “For I know the plans I have for you” – this is the Lord’s declaration – “plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” – Let’s go back a few words …” NOT FOR DISASTER”, I’m capitalizing these words because they are vital.  My Father in Heaven did not send His only, perfect Son to die on a cross for my sins and yours (not one, not a couple, ALL of them) to plan a future that involves disaster.  Now, I know some of you are thinking that disaster has hit your life, up close, and personal but hear me, we have not a clue what true disaster is.  Just like time, God’s definition is not our definition.  We think we know but we don’t and His word promises that we won’t.  Believe with me today this truth, this promise from the One who plans to give you a future and has given us hope, Jesus Christ.

These shower thoughts are so vivid and I cannot just let them be carried off down the drain (hence, the birth of the blog).  Don’t let yours get lost either.