Life Lately

Hi, everyone! I do apologize for how quiet it's been over on the blog, but it's for good reason ... I promise! ;)

We are elated to announce that we are EXPECTING! Our sweet, rainbow baby is due in July. We have prayed for this little one for years, just like we prayed for our first miracle baby (who we hope to meet and hold in heaven).

I know you are probably wondering what that means for adoption. We know that God has called us to adopt. Adoption was never a "means to an end". With that being said, it is our agency's policy to place us on "hold" until our baby reaches 18 months of age and at that time we can pick back up from where we left off. It definitely seems sooooo long from now, but it's for good reason. We are still looking forward to adoption and the child God will bring us through it.

I was going to do a few separate posts to update you on the pregnancy but considering I am 25 weeks pregnant, that would be A LOT to catch up on. Instead, I will just give a brief overview of the last 25 weeks and specific things that stood out. Ready, set, go...

We found out November 5, 2017 via an at home pregnancy test. I was late (nothing really new) and I just had this feeling that something was up. I took the LAST test I had and BAM! it was positive. Insert all the heart eye emojis here. On Monday I called my OB/GYN and made an appointment for the next day (Tuesday) where they confirmed the pregnancy. From there we prayed and prayed and prayed .... and prayed that God would allow this little baby to make it past the first trimester, full term and into life. Of course, we are still praying for this babe - everyday. We had an ultrasound the day after they confirmed the pregnancy - I was 6 weeks. We had another ultrasound at 8 weeks and 10 weeks. My doctor (who is AMAZING) wanted to check on the progression of the baby. We had a regular check-up at 14 weeks and listened to the heartbeat on the Doppler. We had our "20" week appointment at 19 weeks. I have to say, I absolutely loved this appointment. We got to see the baby for more than 30 seconds and hear the heartbeat for more than 5 seconds. It was such a sweet time. At this appointment we also found out that our sweet baby is a GIRL! I went back at 23 weeks and heard the heartbeat on the Doppler - that sound will never get old. My next appointment is in two weeks, I'll be 27 weeks, and it will be the glucose test. Yay. Some tidbits of information, I had "morning" sickness from about 6 weeks to 17 weeks and I will still get nauseous if I wait too long between meals (or snacks) to eat. Other than that, it has been wonderful and I am blessed beyond measure to be called to carry this baby.

Now, let me just say that pregnancy after loss is not easy. At. All. It's been nerve wracking and at times, down right scary. (I may do a post on it at some point because I know there are many women who walk down this road and I would love to just encourage you through it.) I also want to say that this baby does not replace our first baby. Our first baby had a purpose and a plan, something we strongly believe. We thank God for that baby. God has been gracious to give us another baby to pray over and love. We are forever grateful. We are also very much looking forward to picking back up with Adoption!

Whew, that was a lot. Thank you for following along and I'll try not to wait too long to get back over here again. Happy Fri-YAY!

Adoption Journey - Timeline 1

For some of you, this will be some of your favorite posts but for others, not so much. I say that because it really depends on the season of life that you're in as to whether or not posts about Adoption is something you want to read. With that being said, I encourage you to read them because you never know what God may put on your heart ;) God used this blog to help me learn about Adoption and it forever changed mine. 

I would like to share three disclaimers. First, every Adoption story is special and unique to each individual family. Sure, some adoptions happen weeks to a couple of months after the Home Study is complete while others can take up to a year (or more). It's a blessing to not have a cookie cutter experience; however, my prayer is that all adoptions would bring glory to God and redemption to families. Second, there will be some things we won't share for the safety and privacy of our family. I mean, this is the wide world web so I would rather not share specific details or names of anyone involved in our adoption journey (i.e. Agency name, location, social worker and certainly not our expectant family information). Thank you for understanding! Third, there is a lot of detail here but it's because I want to soak in every. single. thing. about our sweet journey that will lead us to our baby. 

Timeline:

5/22/17 - Inquired with our Agency

5/23/17 - Agency sent us our Child Preference Checklist (Basically, you read through this checklist and mark what your family is looking for and comfortable with regarding a child. It was everything from age range to medical conditions and let me tell you, it was an incredibly tough checklist to fill out.)

*There was a date from 5/23 to 6/6 where I looked on their website and they had a message saying they capped their Adoptive Family list and I was SO bummed and I may or may not but definitely cried. I felt like this agency was an answer to prayer and this was a setback that I wasn't prepared for. But both, my darling husband and one of my best friends (who also happens to be my personal consultant and a huge blessing as she's adopted twice!) both told me to just call and ask them if that included us since we sent an inquiry. I was hesitant because we hadn't emailed our CPC form back but I finally did and praise the Lord, she said it DID NOT include us! Of course I felt silly for crying but adopting makes your hormones all crazy too so I blame it on that. 

6/6/17 - Emailed our CPC form back

6/27/17 - Received the Agency Application

*Went on vacation for a week. Budgeted out application fee

7/20/17 - Emailed our application to agency and mailed our application fee

7/27/17 - Agency received fee and began working on our references (which were a lot)

*There was a time here where the Florida Adoption Laws made an update to the amount of Adoption Training hours needed for Adoptive families to have so our agency was working to ensure they had what they needed to abide by the law.

8/15/17 - First Home Study visit scheduled for 9/6/17

8/23/17 - Received the family resume to fill out (WOW. This was kind of a lot. It asked about our relationship with our parents, our relationships with Christ, our finances, our marriage and what led us to adoption.)

8/24/17 - Emailed what we thought was the completed family resume

9/1/17 - Emailed the pages of the family resume we forgot the first time

9/4/17 - Home Study visit rescheduled because of Hurricane Irma

9/27/17 - Agency added a December date for the Adoption Training class and we signed up (we had a prior engagement for the one in September that we could not get out of)

10/05/17 - First Home Study visit RESCHEDULED
10/19/17 - First Home Study visit
11/15/17 - Home Study Part 2

12/09/17 - First Adoption Training class


Well, that's where we are thus far. I'll update this every few months as we move forward in our adoption. I was going to do a specific post on the home study visit but I don't feel as though it deserves its' own post so I'm going to share about it in this one.

I totally worked up this home study in my head and it was not nearly as scary as I thought. Now, every home study is different as every agency is different and this was only the first part. I have no clue what part 2 will look like. We sat down in the living room and went over our family profile that we filled out. Basically, we reviewed what we answered and elaborated on why we answered the way we did. We took a break after about an hour and a half and that is when we showed her around the house. Afterward we sat back down and talked a little more. She asked us questions about us (the first part were questions about each of us individually) such as our goals, why or what led us to adoption and how we rated our intimacy ... yes, you read that right. I knew to expect that question but it still doesn't change how awkward it is to answer. You should be fully aware as well. You're welcome. That was it friends! It really was like a friend coming over to hangout and get to know each other better. Our social worker is so incredibly sweet and you can tell she is for us. I have heard horror stories so I was a little nervous about that but she was great! To end this ridiculously long post, I give you a picture of us on our home study day (we took it right after).

We are Adopting!

We are so incredibly excited to (officially) announce that we are ADOPTING!! What a blessing this is for us. Most of you know the way God called us to adoption but if you're new around here, feel free to catch up here. God has blessed this journey already and seeing His hand at work in even the smallest of details is incredibly humbling. GOD IS SO GOOD. I'll be doing a little series on all things Adoption and that will be coming soon. Thank you for joining us on this amazing journey to parenthood!

Execute? Execute what?

In our women's ministry, Daughters of the King (aka DOTK), this year we were challenged to pray about a word and a verse specific to what God wants us to do or learn this year. At one of our monthly gatherings we shared our words and verses for accountability. My word and verse this year did not come as a surprise, but I was certainly in awe of His goodness as I really felt God start moving us in this direction last year. With our miscarriage last November, we ended the year just focusing on healing. 

When I was praying about this word, this verse, this next step in this season of life I kept getting "execute" ... um, what? It reminded me of an execution so I, naturally, questioned God. I took to google and started researching the definition of execute and then looked up passages in the Bible where this word was mentioned. I read a specific passage and immediately had to repent for questioning Him. I mean hello, He is all knowing and I am .... not. Definitely not. Deuteronomy 10:18: "He executes justice for the fatherless and widow, and loves the foreigner, giving him food and clothing." Insert wide eye emoji here. 

Let me back track for you, towards the end of last year we really started talking about a few things that tie into this verse. The first was creating our home for hospitality since we felt God was growing a desire in our hearts to open our home to others such as our neighbors and family from church. We just want God to use us to love on others, whatever that looks like. the second actually started with as a small thought when we first got married. The Lord really grew that desire in my heart over the last four years and I started praying for the desire in my husband's heart to grow as well, but it wasn't until we struggled with infertility and loss that our eyes were opened to much more than just becoming parents to children biologically. You see, I had become consumed by the desire to be a mom, to get pregnant, to plan out pregnancy announcements and a registry that I was not listening to what God was trying to tell me. I think back to the years where I just wanted a positive pregnancy test or even just a normal cycle to track and I feel just awful about the time I wasted on my own desires. I was chasing my own kind of happiness and because of this, I was so far removed from my Father in Heaven and what He was trying to call us to. Needless to say, my spiritual life suffered. 

Back to present time, I questioned Him and His goodness. Silly me, God's word is full of promises such as, Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you”—this is the Lord’s declaration—“plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. " and Romans 8:28: "We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose. ". 

One of my favorite reminders is in Luke 12:6 & 7: "Aren’t five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten in God’s sight. Indeed, the hairs of your head are all counted. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows! ". 

Sadly, I was consumed by something that could not give me pure joy, hope and purpose like my Father in Heaven can. During this time I was not the one who was forgotten, my Daddy was. I knew I needed a renewed spirit so I cried out to God and He granted it to me. My husband and I were praying about how to create a home for hospitality, and about adoption and it was then that we decided to purchase resources. Well, after we started reading and really praying about it all, that was when He gave me my word and verse. I was just amazed that in my chaos He saw order. He had a purpose and a plan for the path we had been walking, I just needed to focus on Him to hear what He was telling me. 

During these months, and through praying and reading this verse often, He has also opened our eyes to the importance and need of fostering which makes my verse of the year even more relevant. God truly knows it all. He truly is better at planning my life then I ever will be, so I have fully and faithfully handed it over to me. Am I nervous about what is to come? Of course BUT God is with us, goes before us and has us in the palms of His hands. 
I charge you to take time to spend in the presence of our Heavenly Father. Be still and quiet long enough to hear from Him. Perhaps, He has more for you than you can think or imagine.

When God speaks

This week has been a week of truth speaking and embracing Godly sorrow.  Not as fun and exciting as my favorite things of the week but way more beneficial.

This Sunday God spoke.  He spoke to the congregation in my church.  He spoke through my husband who gave the message.  He spoke to me directly.  It was exactly what I needed and I didn't even know it.  

In my first post I mentioned that I was made to be a momma and the struggle with doubting that sometimes.  Well, I have been feeling so proud of myself (like I do anything in my own strength) because of how God has given me peace about possibly not becoming a mother biologically.  I kept thinking He had answered me and I was okay with His answer because He is still good.  I was excited about getting an answer because I thought with being at peace about it we will get to move forward with adoption sooner since whether or not we have children biologically we were called to adopt.

Sunday I realized that I was wrong.  He hasn't given me peace about it.  He hasn't answered me, yet.  Instead, He told me "embrace this Godly sorrow"... I'm sorry, what?  Here is a little backstory, since I was younger I never really shared my feelings and still don't.  Not my deep, heartfelt feelings.  Why?  Fear of rejection, fear of being found silly for my feelings, and fear of letting people get too close just so that they can leave me again.  Honestly, you can name a thousand reasons and they will probably all fit.  That is the heart behind the blog.  Sharing more of myself so that He may be glorified.

So, here it is... I need to embrace the sorrow that comes with the fact that I may not have children biologically.  Does it hurt to think about it, let alone write about it?  Of course.  If I don't let myself embrace this sorrow, I will never heal.  I was simply bandaging the wound instead of allowing my Savior to heal it.  I know that God does not call everyone to parenthood.  I know He does not call everyone to have children biologically.  I know all of that and that is why I didn't let myself embrace that sorrow but God wants me to so that I can be broken before Him, and He can revive my heart.  Hosea 6:3 is a beautiful reminder that if I acknowledge the Lord, His strength and the work He is doing in my life, He will come to me, and He will heal me. 

Now I know many of you have a few various questions like, have we really tried?  Have we gone to the doctor to get checked out?  Have we really prayed about it?  And my answers are maybe not, it would depend on your definition of "trying".  No, and I'm not sure that it would honestly give us the answers or peace we desire; however, it is something that we are going to discuss.  And, not together as often as we should.

When God speaks one grows.  We just need to listen.  If it is just my husband and me for the rest of our lives, I will still have a full heart.  If it happens, I will be so thankful to our Father but if not, He is still good.  I was reminded on Sunday that I need to enjoy where God has me now and not get caught up in the world and its' culture.  In my Armor of God study I learned that I can sometimes let comparative righteousness rule over me.  Isn't that one of the enemy's greatest tools?  Telling us lies and leading us to compare ourselves and our lives to everyone around us.  Well, God said enough.  The imputed righteousness, which came from His death on the cross for my sins, declares me innocent before God.  No more comparing, no more letting culture determine my thinking.  Why don't we, collectively, start embracing the Godly sorrow that may come so that we may be fully healed in Him.